hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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