Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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