god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize