My sheets look like a crime scene.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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