I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
