Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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