I'm pants shitting drunk right now
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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