Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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