Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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