I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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