he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I stole a fireplace last night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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