afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize