rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
