Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
The air taste purple.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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