So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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