Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize
