I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
