So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
