No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ketchup is God's man juice
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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