What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
