Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
