You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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