she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
