i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
