I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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