Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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