I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
