Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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