The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
