Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
