Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
