I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
