I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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