I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
