i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
