i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
