ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
