I only kidnapped one of them. chill
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
