just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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