Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
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I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
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It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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