she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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