can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
