Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
