oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize