I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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