If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
