Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
do herpes really smell.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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