oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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