what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
