I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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