Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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