I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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