Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
