I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize