This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
