hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
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Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
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I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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