who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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