dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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